So....El Squeaky! The voice that ruins it......if you let it!!
My empowered self now knows that I am the powerful creator of EVERYTHING I have ever done/experienced.....yeeeehaaaaw! However, that was not always the case!!
The squeaky ruled my head, with an iron fist! I was the Queen of self-sabotage - if I could find a way to mess things up completely, then I would find it! Obviously, it wasn't like that 24/7, but I definitely had an alarm - like a siren - and I would hit that big button....regularly! Alcohol fuelled it...BIG time, even when I left the drugs behind me, alcohol was still a HUGE part of my life. I couldn't quite let go of the idea that it gave me confidence! I was always in fear of something (I talk about this in my earlier blog posts) and was, in my eyes, a victim of my life! Ten years working in a factory was a doubled-edged sword too - made me grow up fast but at the same time it fed the squeaky! Because everyone had an opinion about what I 'should' be doing!! There was one person I remember who worked in that factory, though, who got me and helped me to calm the squeaky, and it was her inspiration which created the 'man with the broom in my head'. It helped....a lot. There was still a huge pile of crap in my head and it took years to sweep it out - having a child helped that process!! - but I had a plan!!
I remember when I left all of that behind...the factory...my home....my friends, I left it to seek something new - no fear there because I wanted it and nothing was gonna stop me! so, hindsight tells me that I have that drive when I want it! If it's something I want with all my heart I will move mountains to get it! Which is what it felt like to finally get squeaky to shut the fuck up! Like moving a mountain 'I can movemovemove any mountain...dododododododododo......' there's a blast from the past!
How did I manage to get squeaky to submit? By *knowing that I created squeaky....like I created the man with the broom...like I created every single thing which happened to me....like I created the victim I played.....like I am NOW creating this me! In the absolute knowing that I made that there is infinite power! The power to create anything! Anything at all! Good, bad, indifferent! Ok, so knowing is empowering? Yep! How do you keep that frame of mind? That mindset? Good question, because days, weeks, months and years are not all the same...they change, we change and so does the Mother Earth!
I have to say, from my own personal experience, when that* realisation hit me it was massive and it hasn't gone away - when I had my Soul Realignment reading it unearthed things which explained everything which had happened in this lifetime and why I had chosen the things I had chosen, and I haven't looked back! To the point where I am now creating an online course in Witchcraft!!! Holy cow! Stepping into my empowered self, despite any doubt which might surface, despite the distant voice of squeaky which occasionally pipes up, is an incredibly amazing experience and I am not letting any voice, person, place or thing take that feeling away! I have even stopped drinking! I don't need it anymore! It's been (just had to count on my fingers there) 7 months!!
And that is why myself and Ian decided to create the online courses in Witchcraft ....because it empowers YOU! And we are passionate about it!! By helping to empower people, we empower the world...to think for themselves, to be the very most amazing them that they can be!
Bright Yuletide Blessings to you and yours!
I think it's been nearly a week since I've checked in here!! There's just been sooo much to do!! Preparations for Yule tomorrow....still more to do but LOVING it!!! And working like an Angie on our second course which launches tomorrow!! I tell ya...keeping the faith has been challenging at times! You know....that squeaky little voice which pipes up, when you are mid-flow, and questions EVERYTHING you are doing or are about to do!! The why's, the what's, the who is gonna's and the whining! Well, listen hear squeaky little voice....I have a little man with a broom in my head who is very good at sweeping the crap out of my head! Be gone squeaky!!
WTF?? Seriously! When I was a young snip of a thing, I was very naive and absorbed everything anyone ever said to me - good, bad, indifferent - I took it all on board! Hmmm, well you can imagine how crowded and noisy it was in my head - like Bluewater at Chrimbo-time....ALL the time! It's no wonder I wasn't 'in my right mind' - I wasn't even in there, everyone else was!! I was often advised by well-meaning people to 'get help', which I never did - even when I did many years later, it didn't help!!! I was always one to try and figure it out myself, being left to my own devices a lot as a kid....so that's what I did!
.......and some of it reads like one of the Chrimbo films I'm watching at the moment (not literally at the moment, btw!)....You know, troubled blah blah who has been on the wrong path forever then in a flash everything turns around when they get on the right path! Hmmmmmmm.....anyone else feel this!!! I'd heard it a lot over the years, but never experienced it....well, maybe once when I got on the acting path, but I still wasn't 100% me then either!!
So, my brand of 'figuring it out' included alcohol, because it made me the life and soul of the party! Later on it was pot, LSD, sometimes other bit n bobs - I was lucky enough to never go down the dark road of super hard drugs, but I knew people in my circle who did! (Probably why I never did them myself!!). I can honestly say, now with laser 20/20 vision that I still wasn't me through those times....I thought I was...I truly believed that at the time and I believed that the people doing the same things around me were my real friends! Young and naive! Boy! Was I?! But, hey...no recriminations, no regrets....because I have no regrets. I do have a HUGE perspective, which serves me well :) And the things I learned during those times have come back brighter and shinier! Witchcraft and a Nature Path! When I used to drop acid, I would go walking in the park in the dead of night and talk to the trees! Yep, truly I did! And it resonated.....and has come back :) No acid needed this time though! :D I guess what I'm getting at is that those experiences have lead me to the place I needed to be, albeit the long way 'round!! But then life is about the journey...right?! Abso-fookin-lutely!!
hahahah and the journey has been scenic, character building, strengthening, enlightening (in the shine-the-light meaning of the word)......a rich tapestry with numerous experiences that enable what I am doing right now! Ah-ha! And there is the challenge! When you reach a destination you've been aiming for....the place you have wanted to get to, how do you stop the squeaky from ruining it all???
Tomorrow.......'til then..... .'...parting is such sweet sorrow...'
Bright Yuletide Blessings!
........it's been a couple of days since I was here!! I miss it!! Did you miss me??? I hope so ;)
So, what have we been up to??? Baking Yuletide goodies and getting ahead of the Yule Feasting Preparations too! Buying Yuletide pressies, making Yuletide deccies AND.........drumroll purrrleese..............recording the videos for our second course!! Witchcraft for the Curious Novice!!! It's flying so far!! Yeeehaaaaw!!! So, we've been busy! So busy that we haven't done our Yulecards yet!! Eeeek! Methinks that's a job for tomorrow.......possibly!!! lol
And today is the second of the FB LIVE streams!! (Our group is here if you want to join) The theme of which is FEAR!! If you want to find out exactly what I think of fear....then tune in at 2pm today (GMT) :)
Just a short one today!
But sending out the Brightest Yuletide Blessings to you all!!
:D :D :D Not that I'm excited or anything....but we woke up to snow this morning!!! Ian has been saying for a few weeks now that we're DEFINITELY getting snow and last night I had a dream in which I was asleep but could hear rain outside, and in my dream I thought....'Damn! I wish that was snow and not rain!!' Taaadaaaahhhh SNOW!! So, enjoy our snow pics!! We HAD to go out in it first thing - I was soooo excited that I just put my Winter Wooly dress over my jaamies lol and got in a tangle with my scarf, couldn't get my snow boots done up properly AND forgot my gloves!! lol
Smurf LOVED it - he was very excited and got all wet and fluffy!! LOVE this time of year....it's a great excuse to have porridge for brekky!!! (Which we did!!) It's still snowing now, as I write.....I think it'll be on and off all day going by the cloud out there!
Stay warm and safe guys! Get yerself some Yaktracks - things you attach to your boots to stop you slipping about! They're great! Bit like snow chains for your feet!! LOL
Bright Snow Blessings!!!
Hmmmm, so, I hear you ask.......how does the Dark and Light show up in on my Path of Witchcraft?? Well, I guess the main way it has done this is that the Deities who have chosen to work alongside me are, what some would call, Dark. Hekate, Odin, Arianrhod, Arawn are seen as a little scary to some magick-workers! The way I see them though, is like a friend - some friends are fluffy, some, not so much! LOL You know, like with friends, if you treat them with respect and don't fear them they can guide you in amazing ways! For example, when I was working on my connection with Hekate, I did experience something amazing in meditation.......it was like a crown being placed atop my head!! And in the same vein when connecting with Odin, I had similarly amazing visions! My BIG journeying tool though is Guided Meditation - both myself and Ian LOVE creating these emmersive journeys! They can be Light/Dark/Comforting/Scarey!! Ultimately though they bring new awareness and connection to your own brand of Witchy energy!!
Other ways the Dark and Light show up is in the experimentation - the body being the laboratory - so whatever the concoction is - incense with 'naughty ingredients', a new skin cream, or oil/tea blend we will try it ourselves first to see what happens!! Using the dark to bring the light!!! Even our gatherings are an immersive experience - by using lighting, props, backdrops, incense, costume...it all adds to the intense energy of the particular part of the Wheel - and that can be Death/Rebirth/Harvest/Light/Dark or Balance!! In the Sound Healing we do too.......this can be a very challenging journey for some, but ultimately, out of the other end comes healing!!
So, I'm gonna say it again......FULLY embrace both sides of yourself, as your TRUE self - Embrace Your Inner Witch and find your Path of Witchcraft!!
So, right, yes, I has absolutely 100% CHOSEN to have those experiences that I had through my life......I chose the Dark Side! What I didn't have was a Lighter Side to balance out the Dark!! My 'goto' default button was dark and twisty! Alcohol didn't help either! lol It amplified it BIG time!!!! I spent many years believing I was a victim of my circumstances and struggling AGAINST the very thing I had chosen - kinda weird - huh!?
And then, once I chose a different path (one of NOT being like my parents were, when I had my son) I went the complete opposite end of the scale!! - striving for 'enlightenment', (rainbows & unicorns!) through a quite extreme Yoga practice.....furiously 'working on it' - gave up smoking, coffee & (for a short time!) alcohol - trying sooo hard to be 'good'! Ring a bell??? hahaha Back to square one!!! Choosing Light over Dark didn't work either! During this part of my journey, I ended up in the mindset that there was something very wrong with me, because those Dark bits would show through regularly (usually induced by alcohol or feelings of inadequacy!) and explode in a cacophony of anger, frustration and shoutiness!!! Why??? Because I had gone from choosing Dark to choosing Light, when in actual fact what I really needed was a balance between the two!! Embrace BOTH sides of myself to TRULY move forward!!
For me, that journey really began with being on the stage - it helped me to confront my paralyzing fears and move around them - and progressed through training to be a Yoga Teacher (BIG mircoscope on my life!!) to just a few short years ago when I began to entertain the idea of FULLY embracing my inner Witch (helped in no small part by my partner Ian and my other teacher Andrea Hess and Soul Realignment!)......of not being afraid to look under the stones, to look inside the dark cupboard, to see what needs to been seen, to unravel what our perception says is 'normal'. I'm not saying that it's a finished journey.....my god and goddess.......absolutely NOT, for we are ever-learning and growing as beings of Light & Dark! But I see myself very differently from how I used to......I know that there are Up Days, Down Days, Fantastically Amazing Days and Frustrating as Heck Days! And by fearlessly embracing it all, being brave in the face of adversity, we grow and move forward on our Path Of Witchcraft!
So...I hear you ask....how does this Light & Dark manifest itself on my Witchy Path now??? Tune in for Part Three tomorrow and find out!!!
xxxLight and Dark Blessings Fellowsxxx
Ok, so if you have EVER secretly wondered about Witchcraft and what it would be like to fully embrace YOUR inner Witch, or maybe you feel like something is missing in your life, our FREE Micro-course will enable you to Embrace Your Inner Witch! Click here to find out more and to sign up!! It's FREE, so it's a WIN-WIN!! :)
...... :) I seem to have coined a phrase recently which expresses an appreciation for the other side of life........"Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns....it's messy!" Funny how the Universe will mirror that right back at ya!! lol So, yesterday I came across an article in one of the groups I'm in, which kinda resonated, but didn't quite hit the nail on the head for me.......so. I thought I would tackle the ideology myself!!..............The Dark Side..............and, no, I'm not gonna bang on for a whole page about Star Wars being the Daddy of Sci-fi! (It's not..anyway!! hahaha)
The Darker side of your Soul contains the parts which we (stick our fingers in our ears and shout 'lalalalalal') don't want or choose not to see! Look at Nature......she is, after all our greatest teacher! There is light and dark, there is death and rebirth, there is destruction and regrowth - it's ALL there, if we choose to look and really see! And it's brutal sometimes, beautiful othertimes! IT'S ALL THERE!! Even in our own bodies, there is light and dark - from a science viewpoint - when we breath, the process of breathing...the mechanics....actually produces free radicals! Yep! You remember those, yeah? They were making headline news a few years back, but they're out of the limelight now!! So, there yo have it! Light and Dark exist and thrive together - they co-exist!
So, why can't that happen in our own psyche? Well, because we are programmed from a baby.....YES! a baby! to be good, don't cry!, don't make a noise, don't answer back, don't have an opinion, don't....don't....don't....don't...DON'T! And the ole....if you're good [.................] (fill in the blank!) Heck, I've even done it myself with my son when he was very young! You may be lucky.....you may have/have had parents who were/are not of the older generation, or they may have been a little more awake than the bog-standard parent(s), if that's the case then good on ya! For most of us though we grew up with restriction! And, that's something which, in my own head as a kid, I fought EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!! In my head (never out loud because that was NOT allowed) it was always WHY?????
As a small child there were things I experienced which I guess people now would tutt and frown at, but they molded me to this being I am now, so I say tutt off to the tutters!! LOL I was very much in touch with the darker part of myself, from very young (I have a vague memory of when my brother was born....my mum was very ill and was jaundiced, so was kept in isolation and had regular blood tests. My mum told me (later on in life) that I would be absolutely transfixed when the medical staff were drawing her blood - fascinated even! I used to like being on my own too when I was a toddler and wouldn't engage in conversation, wouldn't smile (unless I was sat upon a horse!!) - I was right inside my own world.....and it continued! Through childhood I was bullied and would conjure up the most awful images of what I would do to those bullies! Right proper gruesome stuff! I was almost locked in, in my Dark World! There was a shining light though!! The one thing I do have a very clear memory of though was an umbrella! YEP! An umbrella!! It used to live in the downstairs loo and I would sit there (on the loo) staring at this umbrella (it had clouds on it and the clouds had like a silver border around them) and I realised then that even the darkest moment will have an aspect of clarity/creativity/knowledge/conscious thought IF............IF you are willing to see it!! It's easy to revel in the negative - it really is, and that's great...for a while, however, if you let the Dark side kick you up the bum, then that Dark energy (because everything is energy and energy is neither good or bad - it's our perception filter which colours it!!) can be channeled to move you on. For example, I was sooooo caught up in my Dark web as a child that it got out of control and my imagination would run riot, so that paranoia took hold when I was a teenager (and into my twenties to some extent) - I was the victim of my unconscious mind, which had become a conscious way of being - like a rabbit constantly looking out for trouble....and, you know what? Trouble would find me! Through problems at work, to crappy disfunctional relationships which pulled me down further!! What I didn't realise at the time was that I had chosen this!!!...........
Part Two tomorrow guys!! Thanks for reading!!
.....and readying ourselves for yule!
I began this morning wondering what on earth I was going to blog about this morning! LOL Then, as I was writing a post for our group The Path of Witchcraft (support group for our FREE online course), I stumbled across something which I had been feeling and not necessarily voiced!
During this time and space of Samhain to Midwinter, there have been plans made and executed, learning achieved and creativity abounding! Myself (and Ian) have been walking the path of the Underworld with the Oak King...preparing for his rebirth on the 21st December! It also helps that we still have up some of the Samhain deccies which create the feeling that you are in the Underworld!
How does it feel to tread this dark path?? Well, I admit, I did take down the window hanging as I was getting a little 'aaarrgghhhh! Where's the Sun!!', but it was up for a good week and a half before I did so!! Most of our faery lights are still off too, so when Midwinter rolls around, it'll be like Blackpool Illuminations 'round here!!
It's been a challenge - and it's not finished yet!! - to face the darker side of my own nature (the pushing through resistance to complete a project!, and the itching to change my altar for Yule!! hahahaha), but I like to push my own buttons sometimes!! lol What has been nice though is friends and family visiting, sharing problems, sharing food and receiving healing :) I have also enjoyed (immensely) listening to the Magick Audioplayer - filled with evocative moosic for this particular time of year!! Boootiful!!!!
Of course, as well, it's always a great pleasure to watch our Mother - Nature - change and evolve, shift and move to the season - brings so much joy to see :)
And, so that's a wrap for today :)
Enjoy your Witchy day!!
Mmmmmmm there is a certain satisfaction that comes with being creative and productive!! Just like the Xmas blend real coffee I'm drinking.....it warms yer cockles!!!
All last week was spent creating our FREE course (we have 10 sign-ups!! so far :) then there was the challenging Moon energy, now we're back on track! Yesterday was spent editing one of Ian's upcoming children's books - which, incidentally, will be released in the very near future!!! Then the fun really began with the fixing of wreaths and other danglys, and decorating four!....YES, I said FOUR! Yule trees!!! All different sizes and creeds....even Henry pitched in!! And we're still not quite done!! Hahahaha I still have armloads of tinsel to use to decorate doorways!! And knitted deccies to hang too (once I've finished them!!!) It feels good :) And this week (amongst some Yuletide baking!!), we'll be focusing on creating the second of our Path of Witchcraft courses!! It's soooo exciting it makes my stomach go into overdrive!! hahahaha Creativity is absolutely crucial to expressing yourself in your own unique way, it's a therapy all of it's own!!
How do you express yourself creatively??
Today sees the very special launch of our FREE Embrace Your Inner Witch online course!! I'm sooooo excited, I had to do a vlog today, instead of typing!!! Have a listen.....and remember......DO YOUR GROUNDWORK!!! ;)
Links to stuff:
The Path of Witchcraft mini-site
To enroll for our FREE course!
For the FB Group...
Bright Blessings y'all xxxAngiexxx